Singing, Talking, Slamming

What a day!
Just back from a wonderful afternoon and evening of poetry amongst friends:

Singing Birds & Talking Beasts
Members of Poetry Stanza Leicester, visitors and Richard Bonfield (poet in residence for the Born Free Foundation) spent the afternoon discussing wildlife poetry at Brocks Hill Country Park.

East Midlands Poetry Slam
organised by Word! and Leicester Libraries, compared by the wonderful Rob Gee and Lydia Towsey.

The array of talent was truly inspiring; we were entertained, transported, inspired. Nathan Lunt was deservedly the winner from the 20 poets performing over 3 rounds.

Below is the poem I performed:

High-Maintenance Man

The key to matrimonial contentment

wasn’t spending all this time down his allotment.

She was sick of getting down and dirty,

hot and sweaty, every single bloody Saturday, 

being chief Tea Maker

to Mr ruddy Rotovator, veg plot masticator.

She’d had enough of this tough barrow bumping,

compost humping,

putting up with his power tool flashing

’n’ his “Bob’s Organic Bible”-bashing.

She’d make a stand,

take things in hand

- never too late.  Oi mate!

Shove over.  I’m taking over,

giving you a thorough makeover.

She’d soon put a stopper, good and proper,

on making his horticultural mark

with this blasted self-sufficiency lark.

After teatime

she’d give him a good time

- show him what she fancied for a change,

seduce him with the latest range

of “Gardeners’ World”  horticouture,

nothing in the least bit demure

but some big blousy bee hummers,

sexy not-so-little numbers.

Mind you, she’d got a lot of work to do -

- right now the only one
that turns him on’s John

Innes number 2.